Part of me wants to hold you, the other half is scratching my head confused.  You went back to a grown man that acts like a child.  I still love you, I still want the world for you, but this confusion is something else. Is this what you crave? A man baby that acts like a drunken idiot and apologies are the salve that cleanses your own palette, while I try and properly right my wrongs and do what you need and deserve? My mind races at these thoughts. Why would you stay with an abusive person?  One that does not get his way and destroys things? Dude is almost 40. What in the ever loving fuck? Drunk was not an excuse with me, hold him to the same standard.
    Being a dick then apologizing is apparently this guys forte.  You have mentioned numerous times before his transgressions against you , and time after time you forgave. When is it going to be enough? I am mad for you, love you with everything. How can you not see this?  And yet I feel like the one disposable. The world has gone mad it seems.
    All I wish for is to give you a world free from such drama and bullshit, please let me.

    Please.

watching a doc on ww2. it scares me. i need you here so i can take care of you.

I left for real when you were not ready. I stay now though I want you. I am scared.


- baby let me make this better.

I love you.

    Knock at the door. I open it. You are there. You come in sheepishly. Goddamn that is so cute. Pleasantries are exchanged, until I pull you close.  Your body relaxes when I hold you, I feel it.  I nuzzle your neck, taking in your sweet smell. I move to your lips. Our kisses are soft and sweet. We both become teenagers and grin awkwardly. And then we hug. A hug only lovers know. A hug that shatters both our hearts and rebuilds them with each other there. The feeling of alone or wanting ceases, and we are just….us. Together. Nothing else exists, and if just for a fraction of a second that feeling vaults us to highs no drug could ever give us and purpose no speech could ever motivate us to become. Just…us.  We are both scared, terrified even, as love- real true love- is there. We both feel it and hold each other both shielding ourselves from it and embracing its presence. 
    It’s on its way though, and neither of us can stop it. We try to ignore the obvious, but both know that battle we will lose.

C’est la vie.

Love you, nugget. :)

Hi my sweet.  This afternoon was fantastic, really really fantastic. You told me you love me over text and my heart soared. It often times does when you tell me how much you think of me or how you want to escape with me somewhere. I cannot stress enough how much a hold you have on me, and judging by what you say and do, I must have the same affect on you.  I love you, get some rest baby. I love you.

Hi baby. I want to write you love letters. I fell asleep at 9 and can't sleep. I love you and here I shall write you everyday. I miss you so much. I hope you are sleeping well. First letter tomorrow, my love. :)